Strength of Relationship Quiz

How Strong is Your Relationship?

Dr. John Gottman, one of the most influential researchers in the field of marriage counseling, has been able to determine exactly what makes relationships work well and what factors cause them to fail.

In my over 30 years as a practicing therapist, and based on my own relationship, I have used these guidelines and added some of my own that I have found to be extremely important to having a satisfying relationship.

Strength of Relationship Quiz

1. My partner is judgmental.

(very little) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (a great deal)

2. My partner has a valid point of view.

(often) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (rarely)

3. My partner is my friend.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

4. I take my partner’s point of view into consideration.

(often) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (rarely)

5. My partner often tells me when they feel close to me.

(often) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (rarely)

6. My partner knows what is really important to me.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

7. I understand what is really important to my partner.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

8. My partner is interested in things that are important to me.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

9. My partner sees my positive qualities.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

10. I think about my partner’s good qualities often.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

11. My partner often tells me how much they care for me.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

12. I often tell my partner how much I care about them.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

13. I trust my partner not to hurt me.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

14. My partner and I share the same goals for our future.

(true) 1 …2 …3 …4 …5 (not true)

How to see how strong your relationship is:

Add up the numbers you circled.

Your relationship is strong — 26 or less

Your relationship has some serious issues — 27 to 36

Your relationship is at serious risk if you have — 37 or more

Remember that usually couples are different from one another, one person may be very verbal and the other may be quiet. Individuals also vary in their beliefs about child rearing, or family, or even politics.

The quiz focuses on: judgmental vs. being accepting of your partner as a person and of their point of view.

It also looks at positive feelings as well. Just because a couple doesn’t fight doesn’t mean the relationship is strong. There has to be a positive connections and fun in a relationship.

The quiz also focuses on “trusting your partner”. Trust doesn’t always refer to being faithful, it also refers to trusting that whenever possible you can count on your partner, not 100% of the time but most of the time. Sometimes partners raise the the bar too high. Sometimes our partner will do or say something hurtful, but if and when they do, first, it’s not intentional, and second, they try and make up for it.

Successful relationships can thrive on differences. It’s not whether or not you are similar to your partner. It’s about how you handle those differences!

Give me a call at: 888-281-5850 and we can talk about what to do next.

This quiz is taken from my upcoming manual:
“Negotiation Handbook for Couples:
From Conflict to Connection”