One of The Most Important Elements in A Successful Relationship: Feeling Accepted. (Part I of II part series) This material is taken from my book “Relationship Rescue Manual”. To learn more about this book you can go to: http://www.yourmarriagecounselor.com/rescue/
In this post I will talk about one of the most important factors in a having a relationship that works well, which is feeling accepted.
Feeling accepted is important for two reasons: first, because we all want to feel valued and when our partner accepts us that makes us feel worthwhile as human beings; on the other hand when we don’t feel accepted from the person who is suppose to know us the best and be the closest to us it can really make us feel worthless. The second reason that being accepted is so critical to having a good relationship is that if our partner continues not to accept us there is a great chance that they will leave us. Always worrying that we are not good enough is a serious threat to feeling safe and comfortable with our partner.
People get married or make long-term commitments because they want to feel accepted and validated and to feel good about themselves. The guideline for all relationships is: Relationships go well when partners are making each other feel valued. Everything else flows from this core reality. When one partner says something to make the other feel valued and important it strengthens the relationship. In contrast, when one partner says something negative and causes the other to feel badly (regardless of small it may seem), it breaks down the relationship.
Action to take using this information: Keeping this in mind, you can begin working on improving your relationship by looking for things to say that will make your partner feel valued. For example: “Mary, you are working hard at not yelling when you talk to me;” or “Jack, I appreciate that you are calling before you come over to the apartment.” Look for something that your partner is doing well and be positive about it. The caution here is to be genuine and not patronizing.
In my next post I will talk about Action to avoid and I will also discuss how to fight and still make our partner feel accepted. Tune in tomorrow to find out about how to fight without damaging your relationship.