A Technique in Marriage Counseling

That Will Teach You

How to Handle Your Anger

Effectively

 Young Couple Fighting

As a marriage counselor I help couples deal with anger during almost every session we have.  Over 30 years, and after seeing literally thousands of couples, I’ve become an expert about anger. 

Here is what I tell folks when I first see them for couples counseling:

Anger happens when in a relationship when we feel our partner doesn’t care about us, and we experience them not taking our feelings and needs into account. 

One remedy that folks take when they don’t feel cared about or listened to is to increase the volume and intensity of the conversation.  What folks learn during couples counseling is loud talking is very connected to anger, and anger generates more anger.

The antidote to anger is to learn how to influence our partner; for that reason during marriage counseling I focus on improving both communication and negotiation skills.  In this blog I’ll share one important technique. 

Story Telling Technique in Marriage Counseling

Anger comes from the stories we tell our self.  We get angry at our partner when we tell ourselves in our stories how inconsiderate, or nasty, our partner is.  We may even use stronger language in our heads.  The story technique is simple: CHANGE THE STORY.

When we change the dialog to include the other person’s point of view, when we give them the benefit of the doubt, when we put ourselves in their shoes, we automatically get less angry with them.  When we approach our partner with understanding, there is a much better chance that there can be a discussion that ends up in a positive way.

The stories you tell yourself really determine how angry you get, and also how effective you are in really talking, and not arguing, with your partner.

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