Surviving Infidelity through Relationship Counseling
Dealing with infidelity is one of the most devastating experiences that a couple will ever face. Unfortunately, it is all to common in our society. It is estimated that between 20 and 40% of all marriages have to deal with some form of unfaithfulness.
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What are the signs that a relationship may be at risk? There are two early warnings that suggest infidelity might be a problem: secrecy and emotional distance in the relationship.
The first early warning sign of infidelity is secrecy. Is one partner not telling the other about contact with someone of the opposite sex? Does a partner want to hit the “delete key” when there is email with “that other party?” Is that partner not sharing the general content of the email exchange?
Some Do’s and Don’ts
This section is designed to give the reader a place to start when faced with infidelity and will:
- Suggest “3 choices” open to the person who has been betrayed;
- Share a letter from a sufferer and an answer from a trained therapist;
- Raise the questions that need to be faced and dealt with to move beyond the affair;
- Offer advice to the person who has been unfaithful about what to do and not to do. Read more
Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is a very difficult thing to do. In order to be successful in moving the relationship forward there are six basic things that need to happen:
- Trust has to be re-established.
- The couple must discuss and deal with the issues that triggered the infidelity.
- In many situations, the faithful partner may need to know the details of the extra marital relationship. Knowing exactly what happened gives a sense of regaining control and enables him/her to feel that steps can be taken to prevent the situation from reoccurring. This may or may not be true, but the wronged partner is the only one who can decide when there has been enough disclosure. While full disclosure is not always necessary, it is the faithful partner that must make that determination. Read more
- Glass, Shirley, NOT “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal.This highly recommended book deals with every aspect of affairs. It deals with “Why people have extra marital relationships” and ‘How to handle them.” It is based on over 25 years of research and includes material from 4 different sources:
- A 1977 survey of 20,000 people done by the popular magazine Psychology Today.
- A 1988 doctoral research dissertation that included 1000 questionnaires.
- The author’s (a marriage counselor) analysis of 350 couples that she surveyed.
- A survey of therapists taken by Dr. Glass from 1992 to 2001.
You can find out more about Dr. Glass and her work at ShirleyGlass.com.