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3:20 Conflict is part of every relationship. For relationships to thrive and survive, it is not about the differences, it is about how to handle the differences.
4:00 A lasting relationship, to a large extent, depends on how you deal with these differences.
4:45 It’s possible to find a middle ground, without your relationship suffering collateral damage.
5:40 Take your partner’s feelings and perspective into account, and work with them to come up with a solution that works for both of you.
6:00 We’ll look at three different types of negotiation styles that people take, that do not work.
6:55 We are reintroduced to Richard and Mary, our “negotiating couple” example.
8:00 The first principle: Successful negotiation is not about winning.
8:45 What is a great way to sabotage a negotiation? Put down the other person’s ideas or feelings.
9:20 A rule to remember: A good communication opens up discussion, and the possibility of other options and compromise.
10:30 When someone is negotiating for something, it is important to understand why they want what they want.
12:13 You job as a good negotiator is to figure out how to keep the negotiation on a positive track.
12:50 People tend to fall into three styles when negotiating: the attacker, the pleaser, and the avoider.
17:33 A positive negotiator can be thought of as a collaborator. A collaborator is aware of their partner’s feelings and needs. They look for something that will satisfy both, or a “win-win” situation. They are creative problem solvers. A collaborator realizes that the relationship is more important than the issue being negotiated. The collaborator is looking for a solution that will result in a better, closer relationship.
18:52 What if my partner doesn’t play fair?
20:02 What do people really need in a relationship? What is important to always keep in mind?
21:10 How could Rich and Mary both be collaborators?
25:40 Three questions you can ask yourself, to rate yourself on how good a negotiator you are.