Your Marriage Counselor

What are three things you should do when negotiating with your partner?

Most people don’t know much about negotiation. It is more than just being nice to the other person. there are 6 specific things you can do to have a successful negotiation. Below are three of those things that are necessary to have a positive negotiation

(1) Stay calm -  Remember when you lose your temper often, you lose your augment by not having your partner really hear and understand you.

(2) Be respectful -  When you are involved in a discussion where the subject is important to you, it’s easy to get carried away and raise your voice or say something nasty to the other person.  Respect is key for couples maintaining a positive connection to each other.

(3) Be agreeable (even if you don’t agree) – Being agreeable doesn’t mean being compliant; it means being pleasant–not super- sweet, just nice. Agree to disagree in an agreeable way. **

**The material in this blog is from a book I am working on called:

Negotiation Handbook for Couples From conflict to connection in the book I will talk about exactly how to do that

Contact me  in the next month and I’ll send you for 20% off of the pre-publication price.The book will teach you exactly where to start when negotiating with your partner.  It will offer practical tips and strategies that you can you use so that you and your partner can get through issues feeling closer to each other.

Good luck and let me know how these guidelines work for you.

Dr. Marty

I’m reading a wonderful book that is a story of bravery and is so touching that is a powerful lesson for all of us about what’s involved in having a remarkable relationship.

This story is about a veteran who has served our country in Iraq.  He is a former captain in the army who has been severely wounded both physically and emotionally.  The book talks about how Captain Luis Carlos Montalvan’s life is saved by his companion dog Tuesday.  Tuesday is not only beautiful and really smart, but his attitude and sensitivity is beyond remarkable.

If you want to be deeply touched as I was you can go to:

http://www.until-tuesday.com/mmedia.html and see first hand this amazing story.  Then you can be moved by this wonderful book “Until Tuesday” and see the worst of life and then the best of life and relationships.

If you decide to visit with this amazing couple please let me know what you think.

Dr. Marty

Emotional Issues Involved In Negotiation With Your Partner

Part of having a good relationship is learning how to negotiate with your partner. The place to start is focusing on the tremendous importance of feeling accepted, respected, saving face, pride and maintaining belief you have influence in your relationship are to the process of successful couple’s negotiation.

We’ve all witnessed situations where people still argue well beyond the issue itself; they just don’t want to lose the argument. Even if they are not sure if they are right or being fair, they still argue their point because they hate to give in.

Regardless of the issue, I believe you have a 60% chance of success if you make sure your communications are respectful and recognize your partner’s emotions and are accepting of them, even if your point of view is the complete opposite of theirs.

On the other hand, it is 100% certain that if negotiation/discussions are disrespectful and critical, even if you “win” and get your way, you lose.

In later posts I’ll be talking about attitudes and emotions involved in negotiating with your partner.